Memoirs of Black Women
“Let the world worry about you being single
In the meantime, you worry about being happy”
I’ve lost count of how many times my mother has asked me about giving her grandkids. Better still, there’s my sister who keeps dropping hints about wanting to become an auntie, my friends who keep prodding me for information about potential new lovers, my co-workers who keep offering dating advice by recommending apps like Tinder and these couples that I meet who feel the need to reassure me that I will soon find my soulmate. Why is everyone so obsessed with being in a relationship? Of course it’s wonderful to be with someone who understands you so intimately that you can speak to them just as powerfully in silence as you do through words. It’s even better having someone by your side that you can share your hopes, dreams and ultimately, a family with. The thought of having a life companion that will be there no matter the circumstances and despite the challenges is not only comforting but makes one hopeful about the future. Unfortunately, relationship disappointments have caused me to grow quite cynical about the whole idea of a happily ever after.
Firstly, if it is a rollercoaster ride of a relationship, riddled with a series of “break-ups” and “make-ups”, it’s clear that you will be caught up in a never-ending cycle of toxicity and drama. What about the “honeymoon phase” or the “rose tinted” spectacles that is so characteristic of new romance? Not only is this phase often short-lived but your high expectations of each other usually results in frustration and disillusionment once you’re confronted with the reality of who you both are. Then you have the whole mantra about sticking together through better or worse. Well guess what, some of us have only seen the worst and can only hope that it will get better. So remind me, why the hell would I rush headlong into a relationship just for the sake of becoming a couple like everyone else? There are too many people getting into relationships under the guise of ‘love’ when what they really need is therapy. Naah, I choose peace of mind any day over the delights of clitoral stimulation or mind-blowing orgasm from a dickhead. As a matter of fact, I’ve been single for some months now and I’ve enjoyed more from life in that short space of time than throughout all my relationships combined.........